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CAVEAT: This is a yet to happen REALITY. Reader discretion advised.

Sexual Ecstasy: A Tale of the Nigerian Worker

Thursday, May 23, 2030


Sex is a beautiful thing. It comes with feelings words cannot explain. It is one of the most important ingredients of any marriage. It is a necessity of life; treasured and pleasurable, a tool, and a game changer.

It is best enjoyed when done without guilt in the context of a marriage between a man and a woman. So, this piece is for people in this category and aspirants alike.

Some say it is sweetest in the early morning, while others believe it is most beautiful when used as a tool to settle conflicts - make-up sex *wink.

Whether you use it for what I believe my pastors use it for - strictly procreation (errrm oh no no no, I just can't imagine the men of God doing it just for the sake of it!), or as a tool, or as an integral part of your humanity and fulfillment in life, you sure do wanna moan in enjoyment when "your doing that thing."

Ironically, what you do or how you do it during sex is far less important than what you do outside sex.

Sexual satisfaction is a topic most Nigerians do not like to discuss due to cultural restraints. However, a recent research conducted across the socioeconomic strata of the Nigerian societies reveals that many Nigerians were dying in pain as a result of non-fulfillment in their sexual lives.

The research, which was conducted by Family Care Initiative, broke respondents into four main categories: Newlyweds (5 years and below in marriage), Intermediate Couples (6-12 years in marriage), Matured Couples (13-28 years of marriage), and Veterans (29 years and above in marriage).

Respondents were required to respond to questions in each category so far they have gone past that category. As such, a veteran is systematically guided to answer questions progressively from his/her Newlywed days through to his/her present Veteran time; whereas, a Newlywed is required to answer questions relating to his/her sexual life in only the Newlywed category.

The questionnaires had very specific questions bothering on sex per week, satisfaction ratings, orgasm, fights over sex, and sex as a tool for conflict resolution.

In the first 5 years of their marriage, the present day Newlyweds have average of 65%-90% sexual satisfaction, while Intermediate Couples had (during the first 5 years of their marriage) between 50%-79% sexual satisfaction. The Matured Couples had very low satisfaction in the first 5 years of their marriage with 25%-48% satisfaction.

The research revealed that the major factor responsible for the poor satisfaction in the early years of the present day Matured Couples is the economic condition into which they got married. Majority in this category married between 2003 and 2013. This period was - arguably - the worst in the economic history of democratic Nigeria. More destructive were the very mean labour practices which the government of those times looked the other way from. It is also the era most labour professionals and activists refer to as the indigenous slavery era - when most workers were made to work in offices for several hours, usually between 7am and 7pm and would face traffic jams that took at least 3 hours of their time daily.

Even entrepreneurs, artisans and consultants who had control over their time had to choose to work overtime in order to keep their heads above water. So, for majority, you either sacrifice your marital (and even parental) fulfillment for money or you settle for poverty - which is even worse than the former. Thus, sex for them was less enjoyable - often a routine activity that had lost its true value, its true essence of bonding, affection, enjoyment and love.

This "sexoconomy deficiency" hypothesis (as named by the research group) was made strong as the result of sexual satisfaction of the Matured Couples rose progressively in their present 13-28 years marriage period category. The rise was found to be directly connected to the sharp improvement in the nations GDP per capita and economic equality index in the last 10 years. Also enjoying better sex lives are the Veterans (29 years and above in marriage) whose rating moved from 40%-55% in the 12-28 years of marriage era to 58%-72% in their present era. Experts say, though it is the era when they enjoy privacy the most, this is not enough to account for the sharp increase in their sexual satisfaction rating when juxtaposed with historical and current global trends.

The research revealed that the sex life of most Nigerians have improved; and this is not unconnected with better labour practices and the economic development the nation has been witnessing in over a decade now.

This claim was corroborated by priests and judicial professionals who usually attend to divorce and separation cases from couples. 

According to the Chief Magistrate of Igarra Magistrate Court, Edo state, Mrs Patience Ovemuba, divorce cases have dropped across all socioeconomic strata of the nation. "Our findings revealed that the decline is due to better sex experiences in recent times between couples, and this prevents or resolves conflicts more effectively and quickly than before," she said.


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